Letsee...
Neighbors. Crazy drunken lunatic neighbors. Neighbors who break into the apartment above me. Neighbor who murders boyfriend and places body in the dumpster. Neighbors who are homeless and drunk and freeze by the dumpster. Drunk neighbor throwing my laundry over the railing begging me to mace her. Upstairs yelling at pretty girlfriend neighbor. Pretty girlfriend neighbor pretending everything is fine being cordial when I see her the next day. Neighbors without air conditioning either. Nice neighbor from Idaho moving in not knowing what he is getting into.
Jobs. Few Jobs. Applying to endless jobs. Going home because there are too many applicants to see the manager that day. Laid off job. Laid off job telling Division of Labor I never worked for them. Division of Labor leaving voicemail saying they deleted my claim. Slimy businessman tip-stealer thief job. Division of Labor does not enforce Division of Labor rules. Division of Labor says to talk to a Lawyer. Lawfirm says we only represent Employers, not Employees. Lawyer says he keeps half of what he wins for us with copying and postage fees taken out of our half. Street Sweeper job. Dusty Job. Pressure Washing Dirty Job. Tired Job. Hospital Dump Truck Job. Book of Job.
Rafters. Alcoholic lunatic rafters... Insensitive lunatics. Drunken semi-combative lunatic rafters. Rafters who loose about a client a year. Rafters make you stand in the cold and like to teach classroom sessions to shivering wet students who aren't given time to change clothes. Rafters from Texas with $50 hat creases. Rafters in the snow. Rafter who fit 3 beers in his Nalgene. My Nalgene Tastes Like Beer. I've Been Yelling at Nothing For Two Hours. You People Don't Exist, Bitches. Get Down Off That Table. Get The Fuck Down Off That Table And Help Me Move It. If You Want To Pass Guide School You Have To Do A Wheelie In The Kitchen. If You Do A Bunny Hop We're Going To Beat Your Ass.
Girlfriend. Girlfriend I care about and decide is important and I want to help and share a life with and to whom I even compose one of my famous academy award winning letters to. Girlfriend I call in favors for. Girlfriend I devote meager resources to. Girlfriend who the internet tells me is "dating" someone else maybe 12 hours after I leave town to attend urgent life dilemma. Girlfriend and sister who delete me from their internet friends and who does not respond to my academy award winning letter. Girlfriend I am different than but care about. Ex-Girlfriend who wants to hurt me. Ex-Girlfriend I care about I need to erase all traces of to move forward in my life.
Desert. People. Good Buddhist Zen People. Laid Back drum playing hippie people. Matrimony Spring-Drinking Nonprofit grant seeking people. Traveling journalist people who don't get it. Pretty coffee shop people. Responsible river people. Live in my truck people. Drunk river people. Sketchy Moab Hostel. Fix bikes and live in a hogan. Simple. Free Meal. Good people. Empty Desert. RV Tourist Hell People. Cow People. Big Family People. Rock art people.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Is it Safe?
River guide school in Vernal, UT, is informative fun and exciting. I feel pretty good about it. However, this makes me nervous... During training about 2 hours per day of classroom time is a minor addition to the 11 hours or so (6-am to 5:30pm) of on the river hands on learning time. We do the daily canyon run and then we drive back and do it again, flipping our rafts and re-righting them along the way, swimming through rapids, learning skills, giving paddle and safety talks, etc...
All that is fine and well, BUT, we are scheduled to repeat this basic schedule twice the next two days. Here is a link to the Special Weather Statement for Eastern Uinta Basin, UT on weather.com . For tomorrow this site projects a high temperature of 53 degrees F and a low temperature of 34 degrees F.
The guide teachers are wearing drysuits. Students, including myself, are wearing "farmer john" style wetsuits, which have a body and legs but no sleeves. We don't have "bootie" shoes and yesterday and today about half of our students have bare feet under their river sandals. Today I wore two layers of thermal underwear (tops and bottoms) under the wet suit and had a splash jacket over that, water proof gloves (I am the only student with water proof gloves) and 3mm neoprene socks under my sandals. My feet were pretty numb for most of the day and by lunch I had difficulty controlling my level of shivering and I felt the teeth beginning to chatter. I had very weak circulation to my extremities and I borrowed someone's dry sweatshirt, ran a few circles around the parking lot at lunch, and ate half a loaf of bread to stay warm-ish. After lunch we did the trip again and some of these symptoms returned though with the sun out I was able to operate pretty functionally and was able to enjoy most of the trip and communicate fairly normally.
Today's high was 73 degrees F.
I enjoy guiding and being a guide and learning / experiencing things hands on with this class but I do not think we are appropriately outfitted to repeat this trip tomorrow when the high temperature is likely to be twenty degrees cooler. I am assuming that our program's director is strongly dis-inclined to alter our schedule and cancel tomorrow's outing, even if he reads the weather report. I am torn between wanting to go on the trip and politely telling him that I do not think we are adequately prepared for tomorrows temperatures, and then leaving the program. As much as I would like to complete it and I have given up a lot of things to work for this outfitter this summer and I feel more qualified for the job than several of the other students... I think the danger of our party running into hypothermia tomorrow is very high.
Well, I'll figure it out soon enough. Worse case scenario I've got some savings and a little extra coming my way. I could always hang out somewhere and finish writing that book.
Issued by The National Weather Service
Grand Junction, CO
2:57 pm MDT, Mon., May. 10, 2010
... WINTER RETURNS TO COLORADO AND UTAH TUESDAY NIGHT THROUGH WEDNESDAY...
A STRONG COLD FRONT WILL MOVE ACROSS THE AREA TUESDAY NIGHT BRINGING WIDESPREAD PRECIPITATION AND MUCH COLDER TEMPERATURES BY WEDNESDAY MORNING. RAINFALL IS EXPECTED TO CHANGE OVER TO SNOW EARLY WEDNESDAY NIGHT FOR THE NORTHERN AND CENTRAL MOUNTAINS. SEVERAL INCHES OF NEW SNOW WILL BE POSSIBLE BY WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON WITH HAZARDOUS DRIVING CONDITIONS EXPECTED FOR THE HIGHER MOUNTAIN PASSES.
WIDESPREAD FREEZING TEMPERATURES ARE ALSO EXPECTED FOR MANY VALLEY LOCALES BY WEDNESDAY MORNING. THOSE INDIVIDUALS WITH FARMING OR GARDENING INTERESTS SHOULD TAKE NECESSARY PRECAUTIONS FOR WIDESPREAD FREEZING TEMPERATURES. SNOWFALL MAY ALSO REACH VALLEY FLOORS... MAINLY ALONG AND NORTH OF INTERSTATE 70 THOUGH ONLY A LIGHT DUSTING IS EXPECTED.
THE TRACK OF THIS STORM WILL GREATLY AFFECT WHERE PRECIPITATION WILL FALL... HOW MUCH WILL FALL... AND IF IT WILL BE SNOW OR RAIN. ANY VARIATION TO THIS TRACK WILL HAVE LARGE IMPLICATIONS TO THE CURRENT FORECAST TEMPERATURE AND SNOWFALL.
All that is fine and well, BUT, we are scheduled to repeat this basic schedule twice the next two days. Here is a link to the Special Weather Statement for Eastern Uinta Basin, UT on weather.com . For tomorrow this site projects a high temperature of 53 degrees F and a low temperature of 34 degrees F.
The guide teachers are wearing drysuits. Students, including myself, are wearing "farmer john" style wetsuits, which have a body and legs but no sleeves. We don't have "bootie" shoes and yesterday and today about half of our students have bare feet under their river sandals. Today I wore two layers of thermal underwear (tops and bottoms) under the wet suit and had a splash jacket over that, water proof gloves (I am the only student with water proof gloves) and 3mm neoprene socks under my sandals. My feet were pretty numb for most of the day and by lunch I had difficulty controlling my level of shivering and I felt the teeth beginning to chatter. I had very weak circulation to my extremities and I borrowed someone's dry sweatshirt, ran a few circles around the parking lot at lunch, and ate half a loaf of bread to stay warm-ish. After lunch we did the trip again and some of these symptoms returned though with the sun out I was able to operate pretty functionally and was able to enjoy most of the trip and communicate fairly normally.
Today's high was 73 degrees F.
I enjoy guiding and being a guide and learning / experiencing things hands on with this class but I do not think we are appropriately outfitted to repeat this trip tomorrow when the high temperature is likely to be twenty degrees cooler. I am assuming that our program's director is strongly dis-inclined to alter our schedule and cancel tomorrow's outing, even if he reads the weather report. I am torn between wanting to go on the trip and politely telling him that I do not think we are adequately prepared for tomorrows temperatures, and then leaving the program. As much as I would like to complete it and I have given up a lot of things to work for this outfitter this summer and I feel more qualified for the job than several of the other students... I think the danger of our party running into hypothermia tomorrow is very high.
Well, I'll figure it out soon enough. Worse case scenario I've got some savings and a little extra coming my way. I could always hang out somewhere and finish writing that book.
Issued by The National Weather Service
Grand Junction, CO
2:57 pm MDT, Mon., May. 10, 2010
... WINTER RETURNS TO COLORADO AND UTAH TUESDAY NIGHT THROUGH WEDNESDAY...
A STRONG COLD FRONT WILL MOVE ACROSS THE AREA TUESDAY NIGHT BRINGING WIDESPREAD PRECIPITATION AND MUCH COLDER TEMPERATURES BY WEDNESDAY MORNING. RAINFALL IS EXPECTED TO CHANGE OVER TO SNOW EARLY WEDNESDAY NIGHT FOR THE NORTHERN AND CENTRAL MOUNTAINS. SEVERAL INCHES OF NEW SNOW WILL BE POSSIBLE BY WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON WITH HAZARDOUS DRIVING CONDITIONS EXPECTED FOR THE HIGHER MOUNTAIN PASSES.
WIDESPREAD FREEZING TEMPERATURES ARE ALSO EXPECTED FOR MANY VALLEY LOCALES BY WEDNESDAY MORNING. THOSE INDIVIDUALS WITH FARMING OR GARDENING INTERESTS SHOULD TAKE NECESSARY PRECAUTIONS FOR WIDESPREAD FREEZING TEMPERATURES. SNOWFALL MAY ALSO REACH VALLEY FLOORS... MAINLY ALONG AND NORTH OF INTERSTATE 70 THOUGH ONLY A LIGHT DUSTING IS EXPECTED.
THE TRACK OF THIS STORM WILL GREATLY AFFECT WHERE PRECIPITATION WILL FALL... HOW MUCH WILL FALL... AND IF IT WILL BE SNOW OR RAIN. ANY VARIATION TO THIS TRACK WILL HAVE LARGE IMPLICATIONS TO THE CURRENT FORECAST TEMPERATURE AND SNOWFALL.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Delete Your Facebook
From a friend...
"If you haven't, be logged into facebook, and then head over to http://www.washingtonpost.com and look at the right column. You will see that it automatically loads all your friends, what they're reading and linking."
"The privacy issues are downright frightening. Its a friggen 2 way connection between the website and facebook. You now have to manage privacy at both ends, multiplied by however many sites have the new tech (which will be ubiquitous im sure), and people are gonna have pretty much anything that facebook and websites want shared with the world, or more specifically, corporations and government snoops."
Oh... and Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg doesn't believe in privacy either, so, umm... yeah... it is time to seriously consider getting off that thing
"If you haven't, be logged into facebook, and then head over to http://www.washingtonpost.com and look at the right column. You will see that it automatically loads all your friends, what they're reading and linking."
"The privacy issues are downright frightening. Its a friggen 2 way connection between the website and facebook. You now have to manage privacy at both ends, multiplied by however many sites have the new tech (which will be ubiquitous im sure), and people are gonna have pretty much anything that facebook and websites want shared with the world, or more specifically, corporations and government snoops."
Oh... and Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg doesn't believe in privacy either, so, umm... yeah... it is time to seriously consider getting off that thing
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Treats That Turn Him On
I went to the Safeway to buy 6 bagels for $1.99 and a donut for whatever it cost and while I was waiting in the checkout asile where the human hadn't been replaced by a machine yet I noticed this thing:
Being Cosmopolitan Magazine, it of course is advertising the exact same titillatingly sensual headlines as EVERY OTHER Cosmopolitan Magazine ever released ever since before I was alive. It has been about a decade since I'd flipped through one so I thought I'd give it a look to see just what of His Burning Sex Need or Orgasm Tricks they are teaching girls these days.
I opened it up and found the page number of the article that most resembled the words on the cover I wanted to read more about and then I went there and it looked like this:
Oh.
Yeah.
You spending money on a bunch of fucking chemicals in bottles is what turns us on. Totally. That's the first thing I look for in a woman- I try and figure out what kinda smelly, oily gunk invented by scientists and tested on imprisoned animals she's decided to cover her skin in. Totally. I read Cosmopolitan a lot to make sure I know what the right brands are to figure out if she is a keeper or not.
Ladies...
What turns us on is that you have a pulse and one or more penetrable orifices and your personality is tolerable for at least an hour. A "Treat" might be that you look cute, you are intelligent enough to have a decent conversation with, you are independent and self confident, you have your life together, your middriff or the backs of your thighs are exposed, you have cute hair, you are not mental, you say nice things to us, you have a personality, you wear short skirts and/or sexy underwear, you enjoy sex, you don't try and change us or make us feel like your pet project, you don't make us buy you drinks all the time and you are willing to take turns buying dinner or maybe you buy it sometimes, you have similar interests as us, your vagina does not have small bits of toilet paper stuck on it...
It's not really that hard. At all. You do not need to buy anything out of a bottle or that is advertised in Cosmopolitan Magazine in order to satisfy His Burning Sex Need or be a Treat That Turns Him On. You need to be YOU... be engaging, interesting, able to contribute to our lives without oppressing them, and, yes... having a body that is nice to look at helps. That doesn't mean you have to be a super model or starve yourself. Anorexia is not attractive. Look healthy... eat decent food, not processed fast food junk and canned sugary syrup. Go for a walk once in a while or be part of some kinda sport or hobby that involves taking your body out of a chair and exercising it. Look naked like a woman. Not a 12 year old boy. Curves are fine. Minor quirky deformities can even be charming. It all depends on your attitude and how you carry yourself. Be an interesting human. Do cool stuff. In the long run that'll make you a lot more interesting to talk to, learn from, and grow with. At the same time it'll probably improve your over all image, stature, shape, and confidence to have interests, personalities, quirks, activities you do regularly, and the rest of it...
The Great Misfortune, however, is that no woman who actually reads Cosmopolitan Magazine with any degrees of rigorous consistancy is likely to be reading this. Ever.
Being Cosmopolitan Magazine, it of course is advertising the exact same titillatingly sensual headlines as EVERY OTHER Cosmopolitan Magazine ever released ever since before I was alive. It has been about a decade since I'd flipped through one so I thought I'd give it a look to see just what of His Burning Sex Need or Orgasm Tricks they are teaching girls these days.
I opened it up and found the page number of the article that most resembled the words on the cover I wanted to read more about and then I went there and it looked like this:
Oh.
Yeah.
You spending money on a bunch of fucking chemicals in bottles is what turns us on. Totally. That's the first thing I look for in a woman- I try and figure out what kinda smelly, oily gunk invented by scientists and tested on imprisoned animals she's decided to cover her skin in. Totally. I read Cosmopolitan a lot to make sure I know what the right brands are to figure out if she is a keeper or not.
Ladies...
What turns us on is that you have a pulse and one or more penetrable orifices and your personality is tolerable for at least an hour. A "Treat" might be that you look cute, you are intelligent enough to have a decent conversation with, you are independent and self confident, you have your life together, your middriff or the backs of your thighs are exposed, you have cute hair, you are not mental, you say nice things to us, you have a personality, you wear short skirts and/or sexy underwear, you enjoy sex, you don't try and change us or make us feel like your pet project, you don't make us buy you drinks all the time and you are willing to take turns buying dinner or maybe you buy it sometimes, you have similar interests as us, your vagina does not have small bits of toilet paper stuck on it...
It's not really that hard. At all. You do not need to buy anything out of a bottle or that is advertised in Cosmopolitan Magazine in order to satisfy His Burning Sex Need or be a Treat That Turns Him On. You need to be YOU... be engaging, interesting, able to contribute to our lives without oppressing them, and, yes... having a body that is nice to look at helps. That doesn't mean you have to be a super model or starve yourself. Anorexia is not attractive. Look healthy... eat decent food, not processed fast food junk and canned sugary syrup. Go for a walk once in a while or be part of some kinda sport or hobby that involves taking your body out of a chair and exercising it. Look naked like a woman. Not a 12 year old boy. Curves are fine. Minor quirky deformities can even be charming. It all depends on your attitude and how you carry yourself. Be an interesting human. Do cool stuff. In the long run that'll make you a lot more interesting to talk to, learn from, and grow with. At the same time it'll probably improve your over all image, stature, shape, and confidence to have interests, personalities, quirks, activities you do regularly, and the rest of it...
The Great Misfortune, however, is that no woman who actually reads Cosmopolitan Magazine with any degrees of rigorous consistancy is likely to be reading this. Ever.
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