Saturday, October 27, 2007

Oregon Trail

What happened to Salt Lake? And... Idaho... And... the wasteland.



Information on cisco:

where i camped out:

cliffs on the way

this is my favorite picture of the desert

This is great... the crack in my wind shield matches the weirdness of the landscape, and the camera phone image quality ads the finishing touches.

The river otter was fast so his picture was not to be taken, but I have photographic evidence of river otter tracks:

This is someone else's up-close picture of the north american river otter


I guess this part of the trip was the least exotic one... so much of the way here looks familiar to many of you, so instead of taking my own pictures I just went to for other people's pictures of the stuff I saw.

This is the Travel America center where I started out to buy some supplies:

I had to leave Decker behind as he was simply consuming too many of our dwindling resources. I felt bad about it, but out here in the deserts and the fields choices like that are unavoidable.

You might think me a bad person for doing it... but everyone else got here fine.

South pass was awesome, very senic.

Camping out can be pretty senic. Here's my camp from two days ago:

Some camp sites were less glamourous, but you take what you can get. This is just after getting rid, I mean, out of Idaho, in the morning.

So whatever happened to Salt Lake?

Well, getting there was ok, despite the capitalist propaganda and meth. But I was at Area 51, the goth industrial bar or whatever, when suddenly, it hit me: this place is kinda fucked up. It wasn't just the "Your country is dying from political correctness," billboards on the way in. Sometimes, it's what's unsaid that sends the strongest message. This was found chicken scratched on the back of a flyer for "filter therapy/deviant " in my left inner coat pocket:

Notes from SLC. Thursday.
-Net cafe and book. Drove around trying to find club, but it was damn confusing given the way these ppl'r bent on naming the streets around here. Maybe logic gets a little fucked up generally when you're in the desert this long; because it's a big desert. This bar has got like 5 or 6 different areas to be at and only some of them have alcohol bars and you can't go from 1 area to the other. I feel like... this is weird. Also... drove around a lot. Final parking place 1 block further away than the one I left from. Are bar people friendly here as they are in Denver? Hard to tell cause they are so damned spread out from one another.

(this place was all like, tables to sit at, not a long bar to sit next to other people at)

They play generic VNV here, like everywhere... where to spend halloween? Probably at a rest area in Idaho. At this point, something about the bars... these clubs, drinking getting drunk enough to dance, and waiting for them to fill up, is getting old. This place is a barn, few bar stools, but many tables, make things less socialable. Here in SL, you can't have your drink with you on the dance floor. What the heck is up with that?

How do you dance with out a beer or mixed drink in your hand?

Also, everyone dancing is mad underage... What's up with that? At least they played Michael Jackson... male heavy and Jailbait skewed. What if I straight dragged otta here, ate the stacker 3's, and did halloween in Portland? Could it be worse? I got stacker three's!

Did I need another omen, or was my being prompted to write "At least they played Michael Jackson" enough? Well, ok, how about this: you know how lisence plates are three letters and three numbers? Well, the only lisence plates I have ever seen where the numbers have been 666 or the letters have been "WAR" were in Salt lake city. Also, I never before saw a sign anywhere that said "support your local police". Where I've been that people make the most sense the police, despite the occassional "good guy" cop like Mad Max and the guy with the dog from "Chips", are always to be distrusted, and insofar as possible, avoided.

The above quoted lines and experiances do I think speak for themsleves. Indeed, it was incredibly impressionistic of me, to extrapelate so much judgement of an entire city- indeed the capital of a state as well as only metropolis of its size for hundreds of miles around. But this may have been precisely what was needed.... Halloween weekend is this weekend and this is the first time in years I haven't had to work during it... so I better make it count. I simply knew at that very instant that I either had to leave, or else I'd keep drinking Hennesy, get to drunk to drive, put on some clown happy face makeup and dance with these underage kids, and wind up spending the whole damn weekend in that one decidedly un-cool metropolis.

So I ate this stuff

which of course does horrible things to your body, I recall from reading on the internet, after my waiter friends fed me three in one day during an evening shift. I almost passed out, was talking at 90 mph, went through gallons of iced tea, and got more compliments on my waiter skills than I've ever had before in my life. If three can do all that, then one at least outta get me through Idaho.

To the credit of stacker three's, I did actually start to midly hallucinate during the last 65 miles to the rest area on the border, seeing these funny little purple, yellow trails around all that was lit and glowy. Also, occassionally people who did not exist would jump out of the shoulder and into the lane I was driving in. However, at the same time, I hadn't slept in many many hours, and did drive from central utah to oregon in like 18 hours, so it may have just been sleep deprivation after all.

I know Idaho is a state, and like all of them, worth seeing and absorbing... at the same time though, I've also heard a bit about it, and some from people who have lived there, none of which was too good... if the United States has anything like the concept of "vast, endless steppes", it's probably gonna be found in Idaho... no where else have I ever been where there is so absoulte zero quanitiy of development or habitation in between cities, scattered about the place. However, I did absorb enough of the state to recall these observations:

-In Boisie there is a bird of prey museum that looks pretty cool
-While it is a distinctly "AMERICAN" practice to shoot guns through interstate street signs, it is is IDAHO where I've seen the largest caliber bullet holes through any one sign.
-They have signs about snow chains and not stopping in the middle of the interstate if there is a dust storm in Idaho.

So I did it straight through in one night with no problems, other than that it was a little cold, and wound up in east Oregon.

When I heard that east Oregon was a desert, I guess I assumed it would be like utah. But it was an entirely different kind of desert... weird, empty hills, just, nothingness, and grass and sagebrush. The photos (these are mine from here on out) speak for themselves:

However, as wastelands go, this probably did have the single most incredibly awesome wasteland-oriented location I have ever visited or driven past:

Old crumbling concrete plant looking stuff, but crumbled to the point of medieval looking ruins, particularly the surrounding smaller buildings... AND, blending in perfectly, exactly the same tint of desaturated, sun-blanched, yellow, as the surrounding hills.

That was near the city of Lime, Oregon. Someone really needs to shoot a film there or something.

Stopped in Baker City for gas and to do laundry. This is weird, full service only at gas stations in Oregon... umm.. okay. I also spent $0.75 to read a newspaper and "catch up" on the "important facts" of the "world" I have been missing. These included:

-A bookstore owner in Houston paid $100,000 for a lock of Che Gueverra's hair, because "some of his writings are still quite relevant".

-An old couple, one of whom was 71, committed suicide, taking their four dogs with them, by flooding the house with carbon monoxide from their car which was turned on in the garage. They had just experienced their third bankruptcy, and their home had just been foreclosed on them.

-Bush is preparing to veto another law that would give some health care to poor children.

Does that make you a cynical son of a bitch? Does that make you wonder why I'm reading "Existentialism vs Marxism" instead of "Existentialism"? Well, how about this? Two things occurred in a parking lot:

-A cute chihuahua who is very small was barking and scratching at the glass window of a beige, wasteland painted pickup truck.

-In the check out aisle of the Baker City Safeway at approximately 2:54 pm on Friday, October 26th, and old man returned to a cashier a red purse he had found in the parking lot, where a lady customer had evidently dropped it.

How about that? I guess you may not know for sure which event helped the most to restore my faith in humanity, despite the headlines.... but that is your problem, and not mine.

The road continues to a tall hill overlooking the valley.

The hills, nude but for the grass, roll down for thousands of feet like the gentle curves of fingers lying flat upon a bed.

I still say that windows vista GENERALLY sucks. However, it did let me do this:

That's right, damnit. I'm Gary Numan's tears for fears

The sunset happened. I stopped at the rest area to cook pita pizzas. Before and after that these shots were taken:

Hey umm, you wanna know what else is cool about Oregon?

Perhaps you need a close-up:

Check the brightness on your monitor. That's forty goddamned ounces of PBR! Woohooo!

So then what happened? A totally ludicrous, completely unenforced, "65 mph" speed limit on I-84 along the columbia river.. this ment a practical speed limit of 85... however, not even this could get me into portland in time. For you see, as scientific as I have things worked out, it does take TIME and ENERGY to naviage through a strange downtown, change into fashionable clothes, meet people, and find the bar and all, plus it costs money. So.... i stopped 20 miles outside in troutdale where the city is on a steep hill that almost stalled out the subaru. crazy. Anyways, I found a dark side street and slept.

Woke up the next day for hot water to do some of this freeze dried chicken with rice at the travel america. I tell you I am getting damned tired of freeze dried chicken with rice. Even the mexican flavor with pinto beans is starting to let me down; and don't even talk to me about BBQ or Teriyaki. This close to a major city though I wasn't sure where I could really go to cook something real.

Last thing? I met a friendly, talkative ex-alcoholic truck driver guy who questioned me about my existance and offered me advice. This included:

-Do it now while you're young (this was seconded by another truck driver)
-Get a 21st century skill as well as an 18th century skill
-You need rocks under your feet
-Don't half step. You gotta do it all the way.
-Our society is based on the glorificaton of the 7 deadly sins. Pride is what people w/ no love come up with. Therefore; hustlers/politicans, pornography is the net's biggets money maker, and titty-bars.

It was like BADITUDE isself turned into a truck driver and walked into that washroom to brush its teeth and tell me just that. Maybe this guy was one of the disembodied spirits I've been told to listen out for; but I'm pretty sure he was real.

Portland has yet to be experianced, but I got a good omen comming into here, so we'll find out.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

In the Land of Zion

Yo this is the promised land.

I can't even begin to describe the trip here. You gotta take it yourself. IN A BIZARRE TWIST OF DESERT FATE all my best photos, which were taken during the 20th hours I spent in the Colorado river canyon near the half-ghost town of Cisco where the rocks are red, there are 1000 ft cliffs, and mesas everywhere; yes, where all my BEST photos of the whole god damned trip were taken; NONE of these made it from my phone to my email. They just got fucking ate in mid air by flying desert evil. Or something!

West on I-70 is up up up and sunny and nice; then you emerge out of the tunnel into a completely different world of clouds and fog where you are in the clouds... pass frisco, vale, avon, a few ski towns. These are among the highest points of the rockies. However, unlike Utah, which I'll get to next, because your starting elevation is so high, it makes the climbs less dramatic because though you may have climed a "fourteener", you may have started from your car parked at a trailhead at 10,000 or 11,000 feet. So hah!
Anyways, it looked like this here:

this was all taken on a 'sunny' day!

I like this shot the best

The alpineness came down and gave way to the western desert with mesas and beautiful, ancient, crumbling hills, as well as that srcrubby tree stuff from the movies.

I love these dramatic anclines and synclines

these rocks are awesome

You enter the canyon carved out by the colorado river

Past the town of rifle where I made a pita pizza lunch in the park. They have a giant mesa with cliffs.

Notice anything weird about the above picture? How about the fence? You can be in the MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE in the United States and off any interstate or highway there is always this fence. What the hell? Who put that there? It sucks and makes it hard to just pull over and check stuff out. If that is the point it is pretty lame.

Rifle also had this kind of stuff which is awesome. You expect aliens or b movie actors or scientists or body snatchers or something to come out at you here.

Besides the mountains and deserts, utah has a lot of empty randomness like this"

and trains

Senic view, huh? this is a half hour or so south of salt lake:

my hair is growing... i get rocker hair.... this is how i look when i drive in the desert, listening to mentallo and the fixer ,which is also from the desert

There are reflections that were had... more to be had... and i need a place better suited in the future to relate them to you at. This is not the place because the store closes soon and they want me to leave I think. But first let me tell you this. I am on the right track. God has a way of giving me these signs to let me know. The fact that he does not exist does not prevent God from doing this; any more than the fact that God Module's on-stage synthesizer not being turned on does not prevent them from pretending to play it. You can do such things when you are a God and/or signed to Metropolis Records.

I started to learn this in the spring, when I'd randomly drive in a direction on the weekends. I honed it in in Europe, and now it works like a charm, everywhere.


1) Get to the city. Drive to where things are tall.
2) Go around in circles, if you see anything called main street, go there.
3) Walk around looking for weird punk rock looking guys or girls. Ask them where to go to hang out.
4) Find the internet cafe/ bookstore. It is always located in this part of town. Find directions for that club. Also, look for books.
5) Go to the club and meet someone. If all goes well you get a couch to sleep on. Otherwise at least you have fun talking to folks and taking in the local flair.

Oh wait, you want insurance? Well, just post a craigslist personals add a few days before you get to town. Then you get someone's number and you have a tour guide/potenital place to stay all for FREE and you know about it ahead of time.

So how did God/ Metropolis tell me this is the right track?

1) Women are beautiful here and people are friendly
2) I looked for hours on all the shelves of the book store. Only two books appeared worth buying, which I did, and moreover than the fact they are worth buying, they are completely and totally NECESSARY for me to possess and understand AT THIS VERY MOMENT!

Their titles are:
"Existentialism vs Marxism"




which is a pulp novel about a girl who travels around and to stay somewhere she just hooks up with people. Sound familiar?


I forget anything? Yes, there are billboards here, there was a river otter, and a HOT GIRL asked a guy out. So I don't have to re-tell you here's how i just typed it to someone else. Check it out, italics make words seem more valuable:

God damn I've seen some good things. I'm in the land of zion man, where the mormons think god sent them to live. I'm in salt lake and it's beautiful. I'm at the place with free wifi and it is nuts. I saw the hottest woman ever ask this bookstore guy out in the cutest flirtiest way I've ever seen. About 40 feet from where I parked I saw a punk rock looking guy who told me where to go to hang out. Another 40 feet was the bookstore cafe where i can charge batteries for phone and computer. AND I saw the two MOST important books in the world for me to read write now: A serious one called "Existentialism vs Marxism", and a pulp novel about a women who just travels around and fucks people in exchange for a place to sleep. Damn this is awesome.

Man the billboards here were trippy. Billboards advertising capitalism, seriously... this billboard said "I am the Free Capitalist" and had a link to a website i won't share cause then the billboard would win. Others were against meth and real cheesy, then you had of course ones about consultations for migraines and lazer hair removal, as well as gun shows and such.... it is funny too cause this should be this great religious mecca of a city.... the whole way to it was beautiful, but once you got here the smog was so horrid you couldn't see across the valley wild.

I have beautiful photos I have yet to unload. But this is a good thing: I awoke two days ago in the canyon of the Colorado river where all the rocks are red like mars though its not mars, and there are steep, thousand foot, ancient crumbling mesas, and a RIVER OTTER is playing in the river and he caught a fish and ate it!!!! HOW GOOD IS THAT? THAT IS FUCKING GOOD-FANTASTIC!

Here's a more detailed description also written elsewhere by a witness (myself) of the asking out incident:

Just now man.... the hottest woman I've ever seen asked out the hip 'i work at a book store guy' and she was all like, "what do you think of coffeeeee,?", "Would you like to have coffee sometime?", "I heard you play an instrument. I've from out of town but I play guitar." Dude, it was THE most amazing fucking thing so far. Totally beautiful. Get the fuck out of richmond. Fuck the whole east coast. God damnit they have LIFE out here!

Yeah man, listen to that last part. There's adventures AND cosmo-intuitive significance to be appreciated out here.