Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Fuck "Joe the Plumber"

(from the reference to third pres debate)


So, FUCK joe the plumber.

I actually have nothing against the real Joe, but these campaign attack ads are getting ridiculous. It was dumb enough in the presidential debate, where it's like, woah, the rich candidates actually know ONE American who is troubled about things, and isn't totally rich. Whoop de fucking do.

But here there was just a McCain attack ad against Obama with like, 5 different republicans with money that I assume are aspiring to start businesses to get more money and they were all like, "I'm Joe the Plumber, and Obama is bad, blah blah blah..."

Well, thanks for weighing in motherfuckers. I 'm glad your opinion is throughly represented in politics. Now I can sleep easy. Only I can't sleep easy, because while I can pay the rent and the electric bill, I will also have Fourty-Six dollars left after I do that, so I don't really give a fuck about some dude whose got thousands of dollars and about to open a business somewhere.

Guess what candidates, we're not all upwardly mobile aspiring small businessmen! We're not all about to open some business somewhere. In fact, a lot of us don't even have jobs, and when you don't have a SOURCE OF INCOME besides episodic bullshit here and there, Tax cuts don't really have as much of an impact on helping you out.

So stop fucking talking about how tax cuts are going to fix everything, and how Joe the Plumber is like the only fucking American that matters. I am not Joe the plumber. I resent the condescending approach to "identifying with the people" that invoking his name over and over again implies. Why don't we fucking elect a plumber to run the country if plumbers know everything? Oh wait, it's because just because you work with your hands for a living, it doesn't mean you automatically know every answer to every question. And by extension, just because you met someone on the campaign trial once who works with his hands, it doesn't mean you know everything either.

So how about this:

1) Throw the bankers in jail

2) Have an immediate moratorium on all home foreclosures.

3) End the wars and withdraw all American troops immediately from foreign soils. The United States has no right, moral authority, or even ability to occupy other countries and tell them how to run things any better than the people there can figure out how to run them.

4) Use the war budget to give another FAT economic stimulus check to unemployed people and people who make less than $40,000 a year. Also, invest the rest in social infrastructure, schools, and renewable energies that are clean and don't pollute like oil and ethenoyl do.

5) Stop talking about 'the middle class' like we're all middle class. Talk about the working class.

Woah Sarah Palin, according to you, "Joe the plumber says that sounds like socialism". Only you never talked to Joe the plumber. You just made that up to sound smart, but too bad because there is NOTHING you can say to convince thinking people you are smart, because you are a FUCKING MORON who doesn't even believe in evolution, and by extension, no one should ever vote for you or take anything you say seriously.

And good damn it that's not like socialism enough! I haven't even started talking about all power to the soviets yet, or confiscating the mansions of the rich, selling their shit, and using it to buy things like FOOD and ELECTRICITY.

Wow holy fuck I didn't have to crawl under a sink at all to think of that! God damn, why aren't I running for president?

Oh and while you're at it, stop saying "Obama doesn't have executive experiance". EVERYONE WHO HAS EXECUTIVE EXPERIENCE IS FUCKING EVERYTHING UP. Remember George Bush, that guy? He has like EIGHT YEARS of executive experiance, and has fucked up everything he touches.

So I say, the less experience you have being a tool for corporate America, as an "executive" or other wise, the better!

Which my friends, is probably why saying "Joe the Plummer" over and over again, sounds so goddamn catchy.

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